It's been years since I had an organized lifting session at the gym, and even when it was organized I basically went with my best friend, we put on cute gym outfits (well as cute as boys mesh shorts and a tank could get) and our favorite c.d. and giggled like little school girls as the men's hockey team yelled sexual inuendos at whatever it was we were stretching. I was in the best shape of my life because I was flirting away at the gym for hours everyday.
You see what I mean about "Tales of an Idiot" - all I remember from going to the gym is the boys, not the routines we did, not the order they were done in, not any of the important stuff. So I go to the gym last night and my plan is to run 1-mile, stetch and lift some weights. What I actually did was ride the bike, stretch, lift for point two seconds and practically fall off the treadmill. There is some logic behind this, I swear...
One thing I do remember is doing a little warm-up before stretching. This usually lasted 5-10 minutes depending on what we were deep in convo discussing, but since I don't know how to use the bike at the gym I was using just pressed some buttons and started going. It started counting down from 30 minutes, and I didn't know how to change it, so I just did it. It was also an intervals workout and every four minutes I was almost in tears because my thighs were burning so bad. I finally make it through and stretch it out. Everything feels great and I'm ready to head home for dinner... but then I remember the whole point of coming to the gym was to RUN.
My legs are still feeling like jell-o so I thought I would try and do some weights. Background on these weights is that this gym is owned by my landlord, so it's slim pickings outside the standard treadmill, bike, elliptical... so when I go to do free weights I want to die when I see the lightest set are 10lbs. Now in my prime, this would not bother me at all, but currently, I was looking for some 5lb or 8lb... maybe even a 2 or 3 if they make those? I dicked around with the 10lb guys and did a set of 5 for about 6 different random excercises and then was like this is dumb. So I did something I know how to do... squats and lunges... then squats and lunges with weights... and then I again remembered I had to RUN.
I put the weights away and I finally hopped on the treadmill only to discover I don't know how to work this machine either. I press some buttons and I am on my way. The only thing going through my head while running on here is the watching the Biggest Loser the night before and this poor boy (man?) falling off the treadmill. This was it. I was going to be that boy. But no medical staff was going to come save me. And on top of this, I told my roommates I was going for a run (vague on the details so they wouldn't stall my sudden motivation), I didn't bring a cell phone and I was in a locked room in the basement of an apartment building. This is how I was going to die. Lord knows if I fell I was most certainly hitting my head. You know how cats always land on their feet... that's how my head works. It's a magnet for disaster.
I worked myself up so much that I made myself walk because I did not feel so stable running... this would have been fine if the speed and elevation didn't keep changing on me. I was helpless and alone on the verge of tears because the treadmill kicked my freaking butt. It was time to go home. Defeated I made my way back across the parking lot to my house to eat dinner, shower and pass out.
Perhaps we will have better luck tomorrow?... If I even go tomorrow.
XOXO
Week 1, Day 1 - Complete
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